Today was a hard day to find gratitude. I have been fighting with Aaron--not really fighting, more like just not talking. I feel uncomfortable at home because of various clutter and messes that need to be tended to, but I don't seem to have the time. It is likely some sort of funk that I am in and I know this will pass.
I worked a little bit on planning on summer today. I am trying to get Sawyer to Hawaii for at least a month to surf. He can go and stay with Auntie Cathy but I worry about how he would get to the surf break and if he would be safe in the break on his own. He is only 14! I would like to go with him for as much of that as possible but my lack of vacation time is making things difficult. I am still trying to figure it out. Nova wants to spend time hiking with Grandpa in Washington and she wants to go to gymnastics camp at the University of Florida. Lots of things to work out with the schedule, finances, and coordination with other people.
I had a meh workout at CrossFit tonight. I didn't feel up to it physically because my cough just is so awful and embarrassing. Sawyer encouraged me to go and I know my muscles really needed something. I did about ¾ of the workout when my coughing got the better of me and I just couldn't continue. The ball slams felt so good. I have some serious aggression to get out. I do like working out with Sawyer. I am proud of him working so hard and really pushing himself. I also really like the coaches at CrossFit Lakewood Ranch----they actually seem to care that you are there and really help scale workouts and push you.
After CrossFit, I had a bit of a melt down in the car. I just couldn't stop crying. I am sure it is a combination of not feeling well for so long (at the end of the third week), not getting along with Aaron and just feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything. Sawyer didn't quite know how to help and I feel bad that he had to suffer through that. In the end though, the emotional release did make me feel a bit better.
I made beans and rice for dinner but Aaron also brought home frozen pot pies. I didn't even know people around here liked pot pies. I heated up their pot pies, while I enjoyed the amazing rice and beans.
I went to bed early-ish-- before Sawyer had taken a shower and before Nova had finished with her homework. The kids came and tucked me in and put me to bed, which made me feel special and loved.
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