I have been thinking about doing this for a few days now, starting a gratitude journal to keep track of what happens in our days. I would like to make it part of my website but don’t want to inundate people with the minutia of my life if they really have just popped by for a pasta recipe. I’m doing this for a few reasons.
- Gratitude. I need a place to focus on gratitude. I need a few moments to myself everyday to reflect on what I am grateful for and remaining present in my life.
- To remember. Life is short and beautiful and filled with lots of boring moments that are so perfect. I don’t want to forget those moments and writing them down will help.
- To develop a writing practice. I love writing and want to get better at it. Practice will help with that and I hope to get in the rhythm of daily writing.
This idea started when I learned about a woman in my community who had to do the unthinkable, watch her nine year old child die from leukemia. She wrote about it daily for 772 days and still continues to write (he passed last week). Her family and her story, (Rainbows in the Clouds) has been on my mind for the past two weeks and she solidified this idea that has been bouncing around in my brain for awhile now. I need to document the moments. The hard moments, the easy moments, the fun, and the mundane. It is all important.
It is important to remember these little moments. To really be present in them and be grateful for them. I am putting this as a side on my website, not for traffic, but more because I am not sure the best place to put this stuff. I type faster than I write so here it is. I can also attach photos to my journal–photos of the best sunset or of Sawyer and Nova, or even just the food we ate that day. These posts really aren’t for the world to read but if they do and they get something out of them, that is fine too.
I had the day off of work today as I had an appointment with my therapist in the afternoon and I didn’t want to go to the office for just a couple of hours and then have to leave. Instead I took the day off and had big plans of getting up, dropping off the kids, going paddleboarding, and then to my appointment. It was less than 50 degrees when I got up and so paddleboarding just didn’t seem very enticing anymore. After I dropped of the kids, I came home and worked a little bit (yep, even on my day off) and then laid on the couch in the sunshine and read my book (The Light Between Oceans). I tried to get motivated to do something great, like a massage (no appointments available, CrossFit (missed all scheduled workouts) but it just wasn’t working. I have such a hard time when I have free time to really just allow it to be idle and relaxing time. I always feel that I need to be DOING something and if I can’t think of something to DO, I get angry with myself. I know I need to work on this.
I went to my therapist and she said the same thing. She actually suggested I try cooking. You know, cooking, actually making something from scratch might be healing for you. I didn’t have the heart to tell her about my blog and how cooking is central to my life, I do it daily and though I enjoy it, sometimes I need a break from that too.
After my therapist appointment, I stopped by Einstein Bagels and got a dozen for the kids. No chocolate chip available, which was a bummer, but the ones I did get were fresh and warm. I ran into a work colleague there and she was telling me that her day consisted of the acupuncturist, getting her oil changed and working on her taxes. It made me realize that maybe instead of trying to infuse my day with excitement I could just start with things that need to get done. I have taxes to do, business websites to update, Sawyer needs new pants, I need to mail my dad and Debbies Christmas present (horrible!) and I need new running shoes. I am going to try to get better at not procrastinating those things that need to get done. Maybe that will make me feel better….
With that in mind, I went home and read more and napped in the sun, first by the pool and then on the comfy red couch.
Once I picked the kids up from the bus it was a mad dash to get Nova to practice. We really only have a window of about 15 minutes and we have the system down. Bus pick up, drive home, run in the house and change into a leo while I make a quick snack (bagels and cream cheese today) and then back in the car. I think our elderly, retired neighbors must think we are crazy for how many times a day our car pulls in and backs out of that driveway.
On the way to gymnastics, we found out that Nova got a 100% on her math test and Sawyer’s team which presented a pitch in front of CEOs, COOs and other leaders in the community, (with their app called Kevin) won and may be moving on to a national pitch competition. He is not really enjoying the whole thing as the kids are a bit different than the kids that he normally hangs out with but his team keeps winning so they keep moving forward. It’s good for him to be with different types of people and to get this experience.
After we dropped Nova off, Sawyer and I drove as fast as I could (I don’t speed but I was trying to drive a bit more aggressively) to the beach for the sunset. We didn’t see it go down but we were there in time for the sky to light up with all sorts of beautiful colors. The clouds were very wispy and the sky was so blue—very nice. We walked for about a half an hour (my only exercise of the day) and tried to run for a minute to ease the pain in his muscles from Wednesday’s crazy CrossFit workout.
After, we picked up Vietnamese sandwiches (from Miss Saigon) and went home.
As I drove to pick up Nova, Aaron called from his surf class in San Diego. He was so excited about meeting this woman who does SUP Yoga and all of the insights he had heard from her. Unfortunately, it made me mad. I felt I had been saying all of those same things to him and he hadn’t heard me but seemed to get the message loud and clear from someone else. This isn’t the first time this has happened either and it isn’t the first time that I responded badly. I don’t know exactly how to express myself to him and just end up getting mad. It isn’t helpful and I know I need to work on that.
My sister and family came over for a few minutes last night and Luna was acting CRAZY. Didn’t help that Sawyer was too. Instead of being grumpy about the noise (my house is very echoey), I chose to embrace the warmth. Marlin doing ballet, while Sawyer hung upside down on the couch, while Luna tickle him, while Nova ate Vietnamese noodles, while Joao tried to sleep, while my sister and I chatted. A perfect evening.
Once they left, I crawled back into bed with my book and tried to help Nova breathe. It seems as if she is getting a cold again and is all stuffy and miserable. Sawyer and Marlin stayed up till midnight watching Shrek the Musical. Funny kids. A perfect day.